Do You Remember? 01/21/2010
 
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Do You Remember? January 21, 2010

Once again we have found ourselves explaining what life really is; it is just life. It is not as complicated as you may think. It carries with it journeys incomparable to any adventure you will ever read in the library. You will spend more time uploading life's images into your brain, then you would on Facebook. We live here for one reason and one reason only; I, a simple nobody will tell you the meaning of life; it is to live. And yes, it is that simple.

Our better judgment tells us to fear the past and learn from it, it would be that easy if life wasn't so full of things to remember. I remember the times as a child when I would play with my toys by the fireplace. I remember getting lost at the park and crying for my mom. I remember the great lunch that I had with my girlfriend last week ( yes I said girlfriend, ill explain later).

The fact is we need these memories to life, to move on and remember all that we have done. It does does not matter where life is taking us, but from where it is taking us from. We need memories to cry and be happy. To remember is to live, and we all want to live more.


 
Chapter 2 01/04/2010
 
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Chapter 2, January 4, 2010
You might look at me and say, there is a dude that is pretty complicated. Just look at him, all he does is write about random topics and lushes over love and hope all day long. Any other day I would agree with most of your sentiments, but not today. I am a simple man; the same simple man that wishes all good to all great things. The same man that hopes for a simple life for him and his family. The same man that looks at the human comedy of life carry on, like a westward wind... but there I go, rambling on again.

If you told me a year ago that I would be still writing and ranting away on this here blog, I'd call you crazy. I am who I am, and this blog, this cell, is who I am, and for me not to continue to be who I am, would be unnatural. I am a hopeless romantic with hope and dreams of a perfect life and a family in the future. I travel, I write, I eat, and I sleep. I am just like you, I want and I need.

Some have called me an all around nice guy. A guy that is smart, good looking and has a good sense of humor. Others have called me, that odd looking character you always see by himself at the end of the bar sipping his whiskey. I am both of those men, I am everything you see and what you want to see. I love; of course, but I also hate. I hate those that do not appreciate others and what they do. For family members who need to re-read the meaning of togetherness and the family unit. I hate that I have not written as much as I wanted to do this past year.


I am someone to rely on, I am a keeper of secrets and lies. I hold the key to your heart and your soul. Just think of me as the pages of your journal. Because no matter what, i will always be there for you.

But together, we a share the same love and the same hate. We share the same air and same sky. We share the same things, two rolling rocks on the road that have found each other. We have started the same fire, and shared the same cold. We, my dear reader, we have explored and have been lost. We have been up and down, left and right only to find each other back at the same place.

One year ago today, we learned to love. Today, we will learn to believe in it. Love is like oxygen, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love, and every other cheesy line you can think of. It is easy to learn something, but a whole other matter of believing it in it, so we move on.


I move on, we move on, together. Chapter One, we learned from each other. But get ready my friend, my mother, my sister, my brother, my father, my love; for Chapter Two is just about to begin.

Happy New Year From Prisoner34. 2010, Here WE come.
 
Family 12/21/2009
 
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Family, December 21, 2009
Every memory I have growing up is of my family. My family was my sole source of friendly human contact outside of school.  My family has changed over the years; we have lost members and gained new ones, but still stay the same loving group that we have always been. We are not what you might call the stereotypical American family, living the perfect American dream, but to say that we are dysfunctional would be saying too much. I love my family; I have only one, and would not want to change them for the anything. We laugh, argue, help each other and fight each other. We know what makes the other happy, and what aunt makes the best ham for Christmas (my mom).

A break down in the family unit is more common in this day and age; that the meaning of the word family has changed almost drastically. There were never “baby’s mama’ or “baby’s daddy,” there was just mom and dad, brother and sister, and the dog. That was the family unit, but things change, we that all too well, but to change your family, to ask to leave what you have had first in the world. To leave what help you grow to what you are, to have the customs that you practice, is unconscionable to me.

If anytime of the year is needed to be labeled, the time of family, it is now. The winter holidays, for better or worse, bring us all together. Today I witnessed entire families playing in the snow, with sleds and snow angels and snowball fights, and how I wished my family was part of it all. I walk by homes with lit Christmas trees with vast amounts of presents under them. I see children playing with fathers, mothers caring for children. I see families being started, with proposals under the biggest tree I have ever seen.

We need to laugh and play, we need to argue and fight. But we need family there to help us. We need family to help us when we are down, to direct us in the right way. Family is there for a reason my friends, whether you like yours or not, without family, we are nothing; you are nothing, I am nothing.

I have learned what to do and what not to do, when it comes to making a family of my own. My father failed, my mother succeeded, and I have learned from them both. And when I have a family of my own, I will look back, at my childhood, at my adolescence, and say thank you to my family for making me who I am, for making me a better man, and for teaching me that Christmas is more than just presents.

Happy Holidays from the Prisoner, from my family, to yours. 

 
Virtual Reality 12/02/2009
 
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Virtual Reality, December 2, 2009

            Virtually everyone I know has a cell phone.  Change that, everyone I know has a cell phone. Again let me make the record clear, I hate having a cell phone. We live in a society in a widespread fixation with phones and the sparkly little applications that come with them.  

Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the convenience of carry around the thing everywhere I go and knowing I can order a pizza at the drop of a hat, in my world that is a handy power to have. I just can’t go to a bar, a library, or a grocery store without seeing someone crunching away on their phone writing a text. It is all too easy to forget that this altered state of reality has taken away the truth that is life. We spend hours upon hours staring at those little screens all day, and we forget to look up and just enjoy the view.

The most common human fear is interacting with others. These cell phones are yet a prop in the masquerade of our virtual reality. We use it to hide ourselves, and our true feelings. Here let me tell you how much I love you in a text. Or here even better, let me tell you what is on my mind through the Facebook app that I have on my phone.  

The want for continued ambiguity is still strong in this generation. We need to be alone and yet never want to be alone. “Oh don’t worry, just text me later.” Put the phone down folks, if only for a few days, it is a relieve not knowing what is happening elsewhere, only that the most important thing is right in front of you at that very moment. Let us not forget that the world is more than just a plastic screen. The real world is the flowers you just passed, the book (real books none of this Kindle crap) you are reading. The reality is the stuff you pass by as you text. Human contact is life, to know not only what someone has to say, but what they look like when they say it. That is more connection then you will ever gain thru a cell phone.

I sit here and try to remind myself that life is more than just plastic. That life is beyond that screen, and all around me. If you don’t believe me, then just give me a call.
 
Die! Oh, No. 11/19/2009
 
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Die? Oh, no! November 19, 2009

  On a side note, I am alone once more. Back to my natural state of being, at home and a rest once more. I stay here in bed, hoping to dream once more. I lay here, stronger, wiser and older then I once was. Wither away and die has the lotus, but I, I will live.

Die, oh no! it would hardly have been worthwhile to live, to suffer so much and then to die now. No, I desire to live, to fight to the end. I wish to reconquer the happiness that has been taken from me. Before I die, I have my executioners  to punish, and possibly also some friends to recompense.

 
Health Care 10/29/2009
 
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Health Care, October 29, 2009

   Like most children growing up, and like Dr. King, I too had a dream. I dreamed of being a doctor. I wanted to help people who were sick and needed help. I saw it very simply through the innocent eyes of a child; if someone was sick, someone should help them get better. Unfortunately for my childhood, and my dream, I had to grow up and learn of something called insurance and a health care system.

I wanted to be a doctor, as mentioned before, but that was before I learned that I could not just go out and save everyone that needed help. If someone was sick, I had to wait and see if they could afford the help that I was so desperately ready to give.  I just could not do it, I could not go up to someone and say, “I am sorry, I cannot make you healthy; your insurance does not cover it.” How hopeless has the country or world for that matter, become that we need to be rich enough, in order to be healthy? Why should the well off be able to live the care free life, and not have to worry that each pill costs $100? Why do I need to pay to feel healthy and live my life?

I dare not go in-depth to the problem here in the United States, it would only frustrate me even more and most likely  confuse me more than I already am. But I need not look at the healthcare system here at home, I just look at the outside world, where in many places, their people have never seen a doctor in their life. Have never heard of pharmaceutical drugs, or have even used a bad-aid before. We complain that we cannot afford the help of a doctor, when others don’t even have the choice of argument, they just die.  

So with all the talk these days of healthcare reform, and the arguments of government run health care, I could care less who is right or wrong or who is running the damn thing, just get the people healthy so that they can enjoy and live their lives. It is already a written and unwritten law, that everyone on earth has the right to live and not have to suffer by the hands of others.

So for those of you that are in control of the healthcare in the world, and want to see the price of health care rise, and watch its scope dwindle to only the rich, it is by your hands that others have to suffer. You kill all of us that want to live like you. You let us peasants die on the streets as you pass us by, complaining about your cold. We don’t have your luxury of wealth, but we have a stronger yearning to live, and we would want to see you as healthy as we wish we can be. We do not want your pity or your donations; we want to live as you. We have the right to live and be healthy too.

 
 
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  Escaping the Dream, October 20, 2009

  If you live a dream, if you are the happiest that you have ever been, would you want to leave it, knowing that it was truly all just a dream? I think I have been living in a dream world for the past couple of weeks. We saw each other on the dance floor, I smiled, and she smiled… that spells trouble. I moved nearer and nearer to her, ever so afraid that I too would be yet another failed suitor, attempting to reach the unreachable. But to my utter astonishment and “luck,” I was not pushed away. Amazing you say, incredible says I. Could it be that me, the man who has wondered across so many lands and have met so many people have finally found something, some dream, some one of interest? Is the suspense killing you too?

It does all start with a look. In a place so full of people, we found each other and smiled without saying a word. We laughed without a word. All we did was dance. Dance and surround ourselves in the presence of the other. This continued for days and weeks, and really has no sign of an end. Are there any doubts? Of course, is one ever really sure about anything? Do things seem too good to be true? Of course. But is living in this dream world going to last forever? God, I hope so.

Why can’t I sleep forever? I am nothing but a dreaming, hopeless romantic, and she is just a dream. She is a poem that a poet never wrote. Maybe she is not real, maybe she is just a figment of my imagination.  Can this lotus stay in bloom for as long as I stay asleep? I am afraid that if I wake up, I will wake up, back home, in bed. Back in my cell, with no one to talk to but the rocks on the wall, all 9,500 of them.

I think that I am waking up, everyday, but it is still another dream... she is there, already saying good morning, already putting a smile on my face, and making me feel that today is going to be the best day ever. 

To hell with waking up, I am hitting the snooze button as long as I can with this one. Just another 5 more minutes, another 5 more minutes.

 

 
 
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It’s getting colder, September 29, 2009

Leaves are changing color and falling. Birds are saying, “Well to hell with this, see ya!” I really should have considered bring more cold weather cloths with me, my own fault which I am sure to regret in the winter. But fall is here, actually it has been here for a week already but who is keeping track. Without a doubt this is my favorite season.  Why? Who knows? Could it be because my birthday is in this season, and I look forward to all the presents? Or because of thanksgiving and all the food I get to eat? Or could it be Halloween and all the candy?

Maybe it is all of it, but for some reason, fall brings out the best, and dare I say the romantic in me. Uh oh I just lost a bunch of you; yes the Prisoner is going to throw some more love back at you guys! Run for the hills!

It has been a while since I have had a real relationship. And even more breaking news, since moving to my new cell, loneliness has deepened my need to be with someone. As I mentioned above, the days and nights are getting colder, and in previous years, the Prisoner has had someone to keep him warm. But who is going to be there to hug me at night? Who will be there to share a coffee and stare at the rain? Who is going to tell me that I suck at driving in the snow? Chances are no one is going to this year. Maybe I am destined to cold and to stare at the rain and snow by myself.

We all know what love is, I explained that on my very first post, look it up, it’s settled. But love always fills me this time of year. I always need someone right next to me, to enjoy all the candy on Halloween. I need that one girl to fight with me on who is going to eat the last peanut butter cup. I need her to invite me to her house for Thanksgiving, and say, “be careful with my aunt’s dog, he doesn’t like new people.”

Fall calls for love. The fallen leaves need to be thrown; the fireplace was not made to warm only one person. The left over stuffing and mashed potatoes need to be eaten.  And I cannot be alone, literally and emotionally, alone on my birthday. I cannot sing happy birthday to myself (I have done it before, trust me it’s not the same).

I need love. I need it to keep me warm at night and make me soup for my cold that is sure to some any day now. How could it be that, in a city with all these people, I am the one left all alone? No one to share the view from my balcony, and look at the squirrels as they play No one to hold my hand or kiss me good night. Truly, I am the Prisoner still, in a new cell, but the earning for freedom has been transformed, to the earning of love.

 
Fruitful Trees 09/22/2009
 
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Fruitful Trees, September 22, 2009

               I am surrounded by many beautiful women. A plethora of visible sustenance enters me where ever I look. I, a single and eligible man, have a lot of choices in life. I can be with whoever I would like to be, but I find myself bewildered as to which direction I would like to go, this mango. Or even this avocado, but that orange looks juicy too. What was the phrase, “water; water everywhere, but not a drop to drink?”

                I see plenty of ripe fruits, but starvation is sure to come to me soon. I see diamonds more crystalline than the rivers and streams that flow so bountifully here. I cannot stand this thirst anymore. My skin is dehydrated and life is passing me by.

                I am surrounded by animals that speak to me, thru feathers of emerald, blue and white. I am surrounded by women so beautiful, dark, tall, blond, black and red hair.

I have never lost company, but now I find myself that it is only just me, just me, only to me.

 
The Perfect Life 09/15/2009
 
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The Perfect Life, September 15, 2009 

           We all want the perfect life. Don’t we all wish to succeed in our careers?  To find financial sustainability? To be happy with our families and love ones? Never have we wished to live in the gutter, to scavenge and beg for food. That trait is not in our nature. I am going to have to indulge, my dear readers, in another great episode of hope here at the chateau. You can send me flowers later.

                Why do we do it? Why do we wish for the best of ourselves? I guess what I am saying is, why can’t we settle for mediocrity, a mundane life? I don’t need that $100,000 job; I’ll stay with the $25,000 one. I guess much of that aspect, does carry with it, some sort of greed, if you want to call it that. But don’t we all want to the best? I for one dream of that big house to raise a family. I dream of not having to worry if there is no food on the table. I dream of always having that postcard Christmas, where we all sit in the living room around the fireplace, in that room with tons of presents, you can keep the cheesy sweaters.

 Don’t we all dream of perfection? Of course we do. It is what drives those that work, to work. It is what makes every student, a student. We are told that hard work and dedication pay off at the end. The end, I question? Is that end perfection. Is me going to work and school every day, the road to perfection? The road to me dream? I ponder way too much.

“Perfection does not exist,” someone once told me. “Why not,” I asked them back, “Because you can’t always get what you want,” they told me. So perfection is everything that we want. It is happiness. Happiness needs, and consists, two qualities that make it so. One, it must be perfect, and the other is that it must be worth the time invested to achieving it. If there ever was a virtue that all we humans share to the bones. Is hope. Hope of achieving both utter happiness and perfection. Will we ever get there? Maybe. Does it matter if we do or not? Maybe not. But, I’ll be damned if I won’t try my heart out to experience it, just a little.