May 11th Explanation, May 12, 2009
I left a rather half assed post yesterday. The truth is that I have been nervous and in somewhat of an irritable mood today, and to those I  wronged today, I apologize.

I feel that I need to explain what today is to me.

Today is “D-Day.” No not the invasion of the European coast 60 years ago, but my own personal day of reckoning. You see, about 5 years ago, I was in a state of great despair from the loss of someone that I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life. The same someone that I have mentioned a few post back in the Please post.

I made a promise to that person the last day I saw her, I promised to her that if she still cares about me, and still remembers me, to meet me back at the spot we left each other which happened to be a very special place for us, and we were to meet today May 11, 2009. And as I worked, all I did was think of what to do. Should I go? Will she remember? What if she is there? What do I say? So, needless to say, I had my mind rather occupied. I knew this day would come, but every time I thought about I brushed it off like it would never happen. I would think that the 11th would just be skipped and we would move on straight to the 12th.

Why I made the promise? I really have no idea. I guess it was one of those things that we hopeless romantics do to try and make things feel better. I guess I did it to give me hope that I would see her again. I made that promise 5 years ago, and within those 5 years, I have loved again and had been hurt again, but I didn’t not forget that first love of mine or the promise I had made to her.

So I bet your dying to know right? Did she show up? Well after 5 years of wondering, if, it was all for not. I was actually quite a sad sight to see if you would pass by. There I was sitting on the same bench we last saw each other 5 years ago. Very sad, I felt really creepy doing it. But I can’t waver from my strongest attribute, the thought process that has kept me going, hope. I can’t lose hope from everything. But with this, I think I lost. And I am ok with it. I walked away from that bench almost satisfied with what I did. I’m happy to know that I can keep a promise like that for 5 years, if not for someone else, but for myself.

So in the end, was it the right thing to do? Maybe. Yes I said maybe, because there is always that one shot. And I don’t regret it. I can go on now, knowing that there is no, what if?

Love(Revisited), May 11, 2009


Today is a strange day for me. It marks a special day and life changing moment in my life. so i thought it would be best to revisit the post that i think suits this day the best. Enjoy


Google the word love. You won’t find it. Sure a few sites are saying that they have the definition of what love is. “Here take this quick quiz to see if you really are in love!” Your search will also give quotes from history’s great minds explaining what they think love is. Yes I, an absolute nobody of importance, will say that they are all wrong! That’s right, Sophocles, Mark Twain, Aristotle, Homer, all morons! Get your pens and paper ready because I am going to give you the meaning of love. Here we go…. It’s….. Uh…. Hang on I can do this….. Love is….. Well I guess now I can put my self in the same class as the great minds mentioned above, because I have no clue!



And the fact is that no one knows what love is. It just is. To think us humans know more about a distant star in the Ursa Major constellation than we do about our own emotions. But there I go, labeling love. Is it even an emotion? Or a state of mind? Ill admit being “in love” before. I have even “felt” loved. As I am sure many have and will continue to. You can’t really avoid what love is. In some way or form love consumes us all for better or worse. You find that some one that you always need to be around and can’t stand not thinking about them. Love is all you want to give someone, so is love a tangible thing that I can hand over to some one I love like a gift? It seems that all love really does is arise more questions than answers for the romantics in all of us.



Is love worth it? (See another question!) Is it worth the time and work that it takes to “find” and achieve it? For most cases I would say yes. But like I said earlier, love consumes for better AND for the worse. For you can’t really be “in love” with out knowing what life without love is like. And before all you single empowering ladies out there give me the Gloria Gaynor, I Will Survive rift, you still look for love even if you don’t want to admit it! The cosmic universe of opposites handles all our problems for us all. We have all heard that we can not know true happiness without first knowing true despair. You can’t have peace without war, life with out death. Mister Ying and Yang thank you very much. So love, well love have its consequences doesn’t it? Have you ever “been in love” and not cried? Crying equals sad right? Sad equals bad right? So why does love make us sad? Love causes all of us to feel the extremes that life has to offer; extreme happiness and extreme grief.



We have all heard the songs, read the poems and seen the movies. We know sometimes that the prince and princess live happily ever after. And God help me how many times have we all seen the movie where girl meets boy, boy lies to girl, girl gives the same line, “ you lied to me !How could you have lied to me?!” boy, apologizes, boy and girl live happily ever after again. And I dare you to search all songs that have love in the title. Write me back in a million years when you finish looking at them all. We all search for love; we all say that we want it, knowing what it brings. All knowing that love brings pain and heartbreak to all those that try and master it.



But love is still love. We know what it is. And that is good. Knowing that love can bring true pleasure and make us cry at the same time. It is that knowledge that makes us human and gives us the human sense of hope. Hope that true love, love of such great magnitude and strength is out there somewhere. That someone is out there waiting for that day the see you and say to themselves, “finally!” And think about how many times you have claimed to be in love. How that feeling of joy flooded your entire body when you found that one; that one person that gave you everything. That feeling that many have killed for, and have died for. That unequivocal sense of love that is the right to all of us living on this earth.



So finally here is love for me. Love is knowledge. The knowledge of security and comfort in someone else. Knowing that as long as they are here with me, I will be human. I will feel pain. I will feel joy. I will exist. And yes I will love.

20 Days, May 6, 2009

After 20 days of “vacation”, what more can I say about this city. I’m still just in complete amazement of how large this city is and what it has done to me. I love going places to where I have no idea of what to expect and love being surprised at every experience. Yet I love going back to places to where I have been before and love all the things that make me want to come back.

Granted to that hard core Chateau D’if fans (all one of you) that have been in withdraws these past 20 days, I apologize. But there was no way that I could justify writing each day living in New York every day, it would not be fare to the city and its people. There was just too much to absorb and explain all in the same day.

Be it the amazing architecture or the amazing people, one, or be it me, will never know. Nor do I care, but this city is amazing. It is truly the center of art and culture in the new world. These unique New York institutions and people that have survived the harsh caprices of style and taste that are still worth going out of one’s way to visit and talk to. It is a place to see. A place to talk about in every manner. The place to eat and drink the night away. To toast those wishbones that hang on the chandelier that will never be broken. The place to lie in the grass and smile at all the sun deprived people.

It is here where history has been written. Here where surely the world changed. Here where surely things will happen that will affect the world as a whole. Here the places of never ending sights and smells. Here the place of millions of people with their own personal goal and story.

I won’t try and disappoint those that live here with a quick page summarization of what their city is. I won’t provide that injustice. All I can do is hope that one day, those that read this will be able to enjoy this place as much as I have. To experience that is which to experience. To toast to the same things I did, to laugh at the same jokes and to breathe the same air. And while riding the subway, enjoy this quote from my man Shakespeare as much as I did.

“How many goodly creatures are there here!

How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,

That has such people in it!”