It’s getting colder, September 29, 2009

Leaves are changing color and falling. Birds are saying, “Well to hell with this, see ya!” I really should have considered bring more cold weather cloths with me, my own fault which I am sure to regret in the winter. But fall is here, actually it has been here for a week already but who is keeping track. Without a doubt this is my favorite season.  Why? Who knows? Could it be because my birthday is in this season, and I look forward to all the presents? Or because of thanksgiving and all the food I get to eat? Or could it be Halloween and all the candy?

Maybe it is all of it, but for some reason, fall brings out the best, and dare I say the romantic in me. Uh oh I just lost a bunch of you; yes the Prisoner is going to throw some more love back at you guys! Run for the hills!

It has been a while since I have had a real relationship. And even more breaking news, since moving to my new cell, loneliness has deepened my need to be with someone. As I mentioned above, the days and nights are getting colder, and in previous years, the Prisoner has had someone to keep him warm. But who is going to be there to hug me at night? Who will be there to share a coffee and stare at the rain? Who is going to tell me that I suck at driving in the snow? Chances are no one is going to this year. Maybe I am destined to cold and to stare at the rain and snow by myself.

We all know what love is, I explained that on my very first post, look it up, it’s settled. But love always fills me this time of year. I always need someone right next to me, to enjoy all the candy on Halloween. I need that one girl to fight with me on who is going to eat the last peanut butter cup. I need her to invite me to her house for Thanksgiving, and say, “be careful with my aunt’s dog, he doesn’t like new people.”

Fall calls for love. The fallen leaves need to be thrown; the fireplace was not made to warm only one person. The left over stuffing and mashed potatoes need to be eaten.  And I cannot be alone, literally and emotionally, alone on my birthday. I cannot sing happy birthday to myself (I have done it before, trust me it’s not the same).

I need love. I need it to keep me warm at night and make me soup for my cold that is sure to some any day now. How could it be that, in a city with all these people, I am the one left all alone? No one to share the view from my balcony, and look at the squirrels as they play No one to hold my hand or kiss me good night. Truly, I am the Prisoner still, in a new cell, but the earning for freedom has been transformed, to the earning of love.

Fruitful Trees, September 22, 2009

               I am surrounded by many beautiful women. A plethora of visible sustenance enters me where ever I look. I, a single and eligible man, have a lot of choices in life. I can be with whoever I would like to be, but I find myself bewildered as to which direction I would like to go, this mango. Or even this avocado, but that orange looks juicy too. What was the phrase, “water; water everywhere, but not a drop to drink?”

                I see plenty of ripe fruits, but starvation is sure to come to me soon. I see diamonds more crystalline than the rivers and streams that flow so bountifully here. I cannot stand this thirst anymore. My skin is dehydrated and life is passing me by.

                I am surrounded by animals that speak to me, thru feathers of emerald, blue and white. I am surrounded by women so beautiful, dark, tall, blond, black and red hair.

I have never lost company, but now I find myself that it is only just me, just me, only to me.

The Perfect Life, September 15, 2009 

           We all want the perfect life. Don’t we all wish to succeed in our careers?  To find financial sustainability? To be happy with our families and love ones? Never have we wished to live in the gutter, to scavenge and beg for food. That trait is not in our nature. I am going to have to indulge, my dear readers, in another great episode of hope here at the chateau. You can send me flowers later.

                Why do we do it? Why do we wish for the best of ourselves? I guess what I am saying is, why can’t we settle for mediocrity, a mundane life? I don’t need that $100,000 job; I’ll stay with the $25,000 one. I guess much of that aspect, does carry with it, some sort of greed, if you want to call it that. But don’t we all want to the best? I for one dream of that big house to raise a family. I dream of not having to worry if there is no food on the table. I dream of always having that postcard Christmas, where we all sit in the living room around the fireplace, in that room with tons of presents, you can keep the cheesy sweaters.

 Don’t we all dream of perfection? Of course we do. It is what drives those that work, to work. It is what makes every student, a student. We are told that hard work and dedication pay off at the end. The end, I question? Is that end perfection. Is me going to work and school every day, the road to perfection? The road to me dream? I ponder way too much.

“Perfection does not exist,” someone once told me. “Why not,” I asked them back, “Because you can’t always get what you want,” they told me. So perfection is everything that we want. It is happiness. Happiness needs, and consists, two qualities that make it so. One, it must be perfect, and the other is that it must be worth the time invested to achieving it. If there ever was a virtue that all we humans share to the bones. Is hope. Hope of achieving both utter happiness and perfection. Will we ever get there? Maybe. Does it matter if we do or not? Maybe not. But, I’ll be damned if I won’t try my heart out to experience it, just a little.

 

T.V. September 9, 2009

 

    Before I begin, I would just like to say that today is the best dates of all dates that have been dated. Those that know me know why.

Let me be blunt; I am bored out of my mind. I have been so for the past, oh let’s say… three weeks. Why you may ask? Well for many reasons. One, I live in a very, VERY small town with little or nothing to do. Two, I live in a VERY small town, and know no one. Three, I live in a VERY small town with no T.V.! Need I say more?

I sit in cell for most the day, listening to my glorious music. My music is possibly my life saver at this time of need. I don’t know what is happening in the outside world for the most part. All the “current” events I find are out of the local paper, but that alone only speaks of the current crop report and the new bingo champion Edith, good for her, she deserves it.

I wondered to myself, why do I miss television so much? I remember how much like a zombie I was sitting for hours, if not days in front of that screen. I remember how I long to stay away from the boob tube. To go out and see the world and experience new things, and all that jazz. I still do that here, but laetly I have been wanting to just sit at home, have a beer or four and watch some TV.  Is that too much to ask?

I miss relaxing on my couch and watching a baseball game. That was all I needed sometimes to relax after a long day. And believe you me, I have had plenty of long days here in this long lost land.

Can somebody please send me a 42” Plasma Screen?