May 11th Explanation

May 11th Explanation, May 12, 2009
I left a rather half assed post yesterday. The truth is that I have been nervous and in somewhat of an irritable mood today, and to those I  wronged today, I apologize.

I feel that I need to explain what today is to me.

Today is “D-Day.” No not the invasion of the European coast 60 years ago, but my own personal day of reckoning. You see, about 5 years ago, I was in a state of great despair from the loss of someone that I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life. The same someone that I have mentioned a few post back in the Please post.

I made a promise to that person the last day I saw her, I promised to her that if she still cares about me, and still remembers me, to meet me back at the spot we left each other which happened to be a very special place for us, and we were to meet today May 11, 2009. And as I worked, all I did was think of what to do. Should I go? Will she remember? What if she is there? What do I say? So, needless to say, I had my mind rather occupied. I knew this day would come, but every time I thought about I brushed it off like it would never happen. I would think that the 11th would just be skipped and we would move on straight to the 12th.

Why I made the promise? I really have no idea. I guess it was one of those things that we hopeless romantics do to try and make things feel better. I guess I did it to give me hope that I would see her again. I made that promise 5 years ago, and within those 5 years, I have loved again and had been hurt again, but I didn’t not forget that first love of mine or the promise I had made to her.

So I bet your dying to know right? Did she show up? Well after 5 years of wondering, if, it was all for not. I was actually quite a sad sight to see if you would pass by. There I was sitting on the same bench we last saw each other 5 years ago. Very sad, I felt really creepy doing it. But I can’t waver from my strongest attribute, the thought process that has kept me going, hope. I can’t lose hope from everything. But with this, I think I lost. And I am ok with it. I walked away from that bench almost satisfied with what I did. I’m happy to know that I can keep a promise like that for 5 years, if not for someone else, but for myself.

So in the end, was it the right thing to do? Maybe. Yes I said maybe, because there is always that one shot. And I don’t regret it. I can go on now, knowing that there is no, what if?