Love(Revisited), May 11, 2009


Today is a strange day for me. It marks a special day and life changing moment in my life. so i thought it would be best to revisit the post that i think suits this day the best. Enjoy


Google the word love. You won’t find it. Sure a few sites are saying that they have the definition of what love is. “Here take this quick quiz to see if you really are in love!” Your search will also give quotes from history’s great minds explaining what they think love is. Yes I, an absolute nobody of importance, will say that they are all wrong! That’s right, Sophocles, Mark Twain, Aristotle, Homer, all morons! Get your pens and paper ready because I am going to give you the meaning of love. Here we go…. It’s….. Uh…. Hang on I can do this….. Love is….. Well I guess now I can put my self in the same class as the great minds mentioned above, because I have no clue!



And the fact is that no one knows what love is. It just is. To think us humans know more about a distant star in the Ursa Major constellation than we do about our own emotions. But there I go, labeling love. Is it even an emotion? Or a state of mind? Ill admit being “in love” before. I have even “felt” loved. As I am sure many have and will continue to. You can’t really avoid what love is. In some way or form love consumes us all for better or worse. You find that some one that you always need to be around and can’t stand not thinking about them. Love is all you want to give someone, so is love a tangible thing that I can hand over to some one I love like a gift? It seems that all love really does is arise more questions than answers for the romantics in all of us.



Is love worth it? (See another question!) Is it worth the time and work that it takes to “find” and achieve it? For most cases I would say yes. But like I said earlier, love consumes for better AND for the worse. For you can’t really be “in love” with out knowing what life without love is like. And before all you single empowering ladies out there give me the Gloria Gaynor, I Will Survive rift, you still look for love even if you don’t want to admit it! The cosmic universe of opposites handles all our problems for us all. We have all heard that we can not know true happiness without first knowing true despair. You can’t have peace without war, life with out death. Mister Ying and Yang thank you very much. So love, well love have its consequences doesn’t it? Have you ever “been in love” and not cried? Crying equals sad right? Sad equals bad right? So why does love make us sad? Love causes all of us to feel the extremes that life has to offer; extreme happiness and extreme grief.



We have all heard the songs, read the poems and seen the movies. We know sometimes that the prince and princess live happily ever after. And God help me how many times have we all seen the movie where girl meets boy, boy lies to girl, girl gives the same line, “ you lied to me !How could you have lied to me?!” boy, apologizes, boy and girl live happily ever after again. And I dare you to search all songs that have love in the title. Write me back in a million years when you finish looking at them all. We all search for love; we all say that we want it, knowing what it brings. All knowing that love brings pain and heartbreak to all those that try and master it.



But love is still love. We know what it is. And that is good. Knowing that love can bring true pleasure and make us cry at the same time. It is that knowledge that makes us human and gives us the human sense of hope. Hope that true love, love of such great magnitude and strength is out there somewhere. That someone is out there waiting for that day the see you and say to themselves, “finally!” And think about how many times you have claimed to be in love. How that feeling of joy flooded your entire body when you found that one; that one person that gave you everything. That feeling that many have killed for, and have died for. That unequivocal sense of love that is the right to all of us living on this earth.



So finally here is love for me. Love is knowledge. The knowledge of security and comfort in someone else. Knowing that as long as they are here with me, I will be human. I will feel pain. I will feel joy. I will exist. And yes I will love.

20 Days, May 6, 2009

After 20 days of “vacation”, what more can I say about this city. I’m still just in complete amazement of how large this city is and what it has done to me. I love going places to where I have no idea of what to expect and love being surprised at every experience. Yet I love going back to places to where I have been before and love all the things that make me want to come back.

Granted to that hard core Chateau D’if fans (all one of you) that have been in withdraws these past 20 days, I apologize. But there was no way that I could justify writing each day living in New York every day, it would not be fare to the city and its people. There was just too much to absorb and explain all in the same day.

Be it the amazing architecture or the amazing people, one, or be it me, will never know. Nor do I care, but this city is amazing. It is truly the center of art and culture in the new world. These unique New York institutions and people that have survived the harsh caprices of style and taste that are still worth going out of one’s way to visit and talk to. It is a place to see. A place to talk about in every manner. The place to eat and drink the night away. To toast those wishbones that hang on the chandelier that will never be broken. The place to lie in the grass and smile at all the sun deprived people.

It is here where history has been written. Here where surely the world changed. Here where surely things will happen that will affect the world as a whole. Here the places of never ending sights and smells. Here the place of millions of people with their own personal goal and story.

I won’t try and disappoint those that live here with a quick page summarization of what their city is. I won’t provide that injustice. All I can do is hope that one day, those that read this will be able to enjoy this place as much as I have. To experience that is which to experience. To toast to the same things I did, to laugh at the same jokes and to breathe the same air. And while riding the subway, enjoy this quote from my man Shakespeare as much as I did.

“How many goodly creatures are there here!

How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,

That has such people in it!”

This Time Around, April 14, 2009

Many thoughts and praises. Suns and moons. Stars and clouds. Waves and rocks. Times they are a changing, for the good or for the worse, one will soon know.

Quickly I don’t know what is happening in me

Quickly I don’t know who I ‘am

Quickly I don’t recognize anything from the day when I once was.



I question myself what changed in me

Today I question where I am going

Maybe the answers don’t exist to the questions that I wanted answered.



This time I go looking for the heart

This time I’ll try it again

This time I’ll try and make it right

If life gives me one more opportunity.



Quickly I don’t know what is happening here

Quickly I don’t know who I’ am

Maybe the answers don’t exist to the questions that I wanted answered.



This time I don’t want another illusion

This time I’ll try it again

This time I’ll try and make it right

If life gives me one more opportunity.

Money DOES Buy Happiness! March 30, 2009

I think it is time that I debunk another one of life’s proclamations of deception. Contrary to popular belief, money does buy happiness. Plain and simple folks. Have you ever been handed money and not been happy about it? Are you sad on payday? I think not. A follow up from a couple of post back, I have been having some good fortune this year, and all of it is thanks to money. I didn’t win the lottery or find an untapped oil well, I just find that my bank account has more digits in it then it would normally have. And I am elated about that.

Granted the long held proverb, “money does not buy happiness,” has its own profound meaning that I‘m sure I’m missing. But I find it to be false on the basis of my personal pessimism about old sayings. Just think about for a second, before all of you start to think that I am some sort of gluttonous, self absorbed fool.

If you get some money, and normally you don’t find yourself with a sufficient amount of money to say that you “have money”, you become confidant right? Confidant in knowing you don’t have to sell your favorite guitar to pay the gas bill. Confidence raises your self esteem. You walk around knowing that if you have to buy something on a whim, you can. A higher self esteem makes you happy! The circle is complete. Money buys happiness! But maybe that is what is wrong with this old saying. Maybe it should be changed from, “money buys happiness,” to “money brings about happiness.” Not as catchy, yes I know but if it works it works.

A Crisis At The Office, March 23, 2009

“What a great morning,” I said to myself as I walked out my front door. The birds were chirping, the sun was just turning on the heat, and I felt refreshed after a good morning shower. I made my usual way to work, listening to the same morning talk radio, going by, my usual everyday routine.

I walked into the office, like normal, set my things down at my office, said my traditional good morning’s to all those around me. Walked over the communal coffee maker which I had just seen used by a fellow co-worker, Sanchez, who walked right by me with a large steamy cup of Joe. He passed with a strange smirk on his face which I would later learn to be more devilish than strange.

I reached for the cabinet door in which I keep my commenrative baseball coffee cup, moved to the left a few feet, looked at the coffee machine and smiled. Mind you that this is not your normal coffee machine, with your standard pot and drip funnel. No this is a fancy one, where all you have to do is place your cup under a sensor and you magical juice will pour richly into your heart. I smiled knowing that inside this magical machine lay waiting patiently, a beautifully brewed hazelnut roast. I placed my cup under the sensor, and waited for the goodness to flow out. I waited, and waited some more. Nothing. “This can’t be,” I said to myself, “what is going on,” I asked? “Is it, or is it?” No it can’t be… DAMN YOU SANCHEZ!!!!

Little did I realize that this son of a gerbil left the room knowing he had taken the last drop of coffee goodness from me. He must have did it on purpose, knowing I would be the next one to revive oneself from the Mr. Coffee shrine of the Gods. I uttered a slight whimper, I turned to look and see if my now sworn enemy was there laughing at me, but alas the coward had fled in terror.

My whimper now turned into a shed of tears. “How can I go on?” I asked. “ I have to go home, I can’t make thru out the day!” But a bright shiny light appeared from behind me, a choir was singing in a harmonious conjecture of ear pleasure. And there I saw it. A cup, a beautiful cup of fresh coffee. Holding it was my good friend, my new favorite person… uh…. What’s her name again?

Good Times, March 16, 2009

So yes, I have been extremely naughty I must admit. Two weeks. Two whole weeks without a single post. Fact; I had no internet or computer to work with. Fiction; I had nothing to talk about. But the Prisoner is back, and ready to rant!

Good times are being had my friends. Good times indeed. 2008 was about the worst year in the history of mankind, not only for the rest of the world, but me. I lost many, many things, both meaningless and irreplaceable. Tears were shed, hearts were broken, and money was lost. But why should I dwell on such maladies when life is much more than 2008. Lets us look at 2009, new well new everything! And new is awesome!

I have to laugh at myself when I pass a mirror, because I really can’t believe such fortune is happening to me. ME, yes that same absolute nobody that needs to change the world. That same Prisoner that rants and loves too much. I know where I come from and I know why I am here now, I look around at the different sights of my life, and look forward to the life that will soon come to me. A life that is about as reverse as to the one I am living now. Change is great my friends, bring it on. As I have mentioned before, I need to change, and I have made a huge one.

Moving from hot to cool, high to low, dry to wet. Looking at a place that needs no dramatic or over done use of grammar, but only stillness. Quiet, subtle absorption of the surrounding emotions. A breath of fresh cold air that awakens your lungs. Listen… keep listening, it’s like a dream, except its real.

Luck? Maybe. Will it leave me again? Most likely. But I will live it up, drink it up, all the wonders that this wave of fortune brings and continue to breathe in and out slowly and continue to smile.

Who is the Prisoner?, March 2, 2009

(On a quick rant for a late I Hate Fridays, I really, but really hate people who write blogs or messages UsInG aLtErNaTiNg cApItaL aNd lOwEr CaSe LeTtERS!!!! AND ONLY USING CAPITAL LETTERS FOR THE ENTIRE POST!!! And an over excessive use of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!! Rant over, lets continue.)

So anyhow, I was looking through my past posts, looking over the topics and re-reading what I had written, cringing at all the stupid things and hitting myself for my dumb mistakes. I wondered what I would write next. What great, life altering topic will I traverse next to tutor the minds of all who visit the Chateau, I was stumped, but I searched for inspiration. Clicking the Next Blog button, there at the top of the screen, I was shopping through the different opinions of many different blogs from bloggers around the world. Many of which I could not understand for obvious language barriers, I could not help but notice that aside from a very select few, most blogs consisted of pictures and folks keeping a daily journal. The select view, where those blogs that slightly resembled mine.

“Is this what I am doing?” I wondered. Is the Chateau D’if my journal, my way of expression by written word as opposed to verbal conversation? I have a journal, an actual book of hand written musings, poems, drawings, songs and meaningful things for me. I wonder why I started this blog.

Naturally, it is named from a place of the coast of France. A place made famous by only the greatest book ever written, The Count of Monte Cristo(and if you have never read it, you might as well call my mother a hamster, just go to the book store and buy it, thank me later). I gave myself an identity that added to the theme of Monte Cristo, Prisoner 34. Why? I think maybe to give me some courage, to wear my mask in this masquerade we call the internet. And who uses their real name online anyway!?

I looked for some; I would guess say more intellectualism in my life. A place where I can speak the way I really want to. In my everyday life, I am not able to use words like intellectualism or disincline; people will just look at me as if I was a sea urchin. Not to bring down the people I converse with in my reality, but living in California around valley girls who always talk, “like with a question mark at like the end of every like sentence?” “With an upward inflection?” Its gets old after a while.

So who is the Prisoner? The prisoner is not my alter ego, it is my true self. I called it my mask earlier but I was wrong. The prisoner is me, and I am the prisoner trapped in this reality. It is a reality that constricts my true sentiments and thoughts, a reality where I wear a costume to hide my true identity. Because even though the cage I live in is made of gold, it still remains my prison. I hope one day to break free. And breathe the fresh air.

My Yearning, March 1, 2009

                Lately I have had an extremely strong urge to do something drastic, nothing that would be advantageous towards me, but a lot of other people or possibly the world. Have you ever had that feeling, that feeling to just go out and make a huge difference in the world? I have been looking at a lot of different things going on in the world, issues that people have, problems that plaque the world, and I get the feeling that I can do something to help, if not fix every problem in the world. Is that too egotistical of me, or is that me just feeling secure in what I am able to do?

                Today this feeling that I have been having has actually made me feel a little frustrated, after I came back to reality and realize that I can’t really do much to help the people I want to help, very disconcerting for me. I want to do something about all these people losing their jobs and not being able to feed their families. I want to go to every country in the world and help those in need of medicine or just a hot meal. I want to walk into the Congress and start barking orders, to finally get things done. I want to do something to make everything better for everyone.

                I… I just want problems to just go away. I don’t know what it is that is making me feel this way; I have some problems in my life right now, but not much to drive me to the extent that I want to change the world.

                I… I don’t know.

My Escape February 23, 2009

                Ok, I have to admit that I took some time off from the Chateau for a few days. Not because I had nothing to write about, or that I have been swamped with work last week, it is because I needed a break from the norm.

                There I was, living how I live. Doing what I do every day to get by. Not being able to change, not able to break free from reality. Yes I know I still need really want a vacation, but that had no factor on my decision on taking a break from writing. What I like to do is to make some sort of change in my life, every week. It is a little concept that came to my head a few years ago. A change so big, that I will never be the same, or one so small that you would hardly notice anything different of me. It doesn’t matter; I just need to change something about me.

 I love most of the stuff that I do, I try not to leave very many doubts or regrets as life goes by me. What I try to do, if I have regret, is learn from it. I don’t dwell on what could have been or what I should have done, I think forward, I learn not from my mistakes, I learn from what I know what I should do. If that makes any sense…

So, why do I do it? Well, I love to know that I can change. Knowing that I can escape. I don’t have to be satisfied with the everyday norm. I complain about not getting a vacation just about every day, and knowing me, I will complain more after I have one, but if you look at it, I take a vacation from some aspect of my life every week, and I really take pleasure from. But I must make a confession, I decided to face a fear this past week, for my weekly change, but I couldn’t do it. What I wanted to do was to go up to some random person, a complete stranger, and try to have a conversation with them. I know, I am breaking some of my own rules from a past post, where I boastfully Welcomed The World, but I just couldn’t do it this week for some reason. I will try harder this week.

Everybody should try it some time. Make a change, from your norm. Buy that fruit you always wanted to try. Ask that one person on a date, that you never had the nerve to do. And my personal favorite, try a new beer from a different country every week. Whatever your change is, make it. And make it everything you want it to be.

 

My Office Space Day, February 18, 2009

                I had one of those days today. You know those days at work when you want nothing more than to just break everything around you and cause utter destruction to every living thing? Yep. That was my day… how was yours? So it started off rather badly, I had one of my good dream nights, and I was rudely woke up by my alarm clock just as I was coming out of the beach and about to grab my mojito( yeah I have mojitos, what of it?).

                So I woke up, shuffled off to the shower, did my thing, got dressed, packed my things and hit the road. Of course as all things natural, I got traffic, worse than any other day. Was a bit late, but at that point it didn’t matter, because I was ready to leave. I had an abnormally large amount of work to do; I even had to take some home, just finished, and its 10:45 at night.

                So I wondered, as I sat in the traffic coming back from work, why do we do it? Why do we commit ourselves to lives to such a mundane existence? It is not that I don’t like my job, there are days that I break a smile and even manage to leave happy, I just wonder why us humans, or at least us Americans need to work the way we do.

                I swear, I was supposed to be born in another country, one that ends its day at 12pm and a mandatory nap must be taken by all citizens...mmmm nap… sleep. Good stuff. I feel sad for us Americans that drudge through this “live to work” mentality, compared to a country, such as Greece, that “live to live,” and work only cause you have to pay a bill every now and then. Does that make sense? I wish I had that lassie fare attitude towards work. It is easy to wish and think about living a care free live, but the practicality of it, is all too hard to come by in this country.

                I envy the world.